In 30 days I am leaving behind everything I am familiar with. all my friends, family, and the one person who loves me unconditionally. I am sacrificing security and comfort. I am trading it all to move to a country I have never been to, where I only know the popular dance moves and how to say “Hello! I love you! Really?”. I have a one-way ticket to Seoul, with dreams to be on billboards and magazines.
I blame movies. Movies and anime. I want my life to be a movie, motivated by the same dreams and ambitions that Japan has taught me to believe in. Luffy wants to be a pirate king, and I believe in him. I tell my friends I want to model in Asia, and they believe in me. I feel as though time is running out and I have to attempt to try to live this life before the looks run out. If all else fails, if no one wants me in Korea, Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, Shanghai, Thailand or Taiwan… then I will admit defeat. I will have to fall back on my original dreams of movie making, which isn’t so bad. it will always be there for me. “Always have a plan B” is a momism repeatedly barraged into my skull.
I know exactly 2 people there, who have paved a comfortable path for me to try to land and get on my own two feet (let’s hope it’s still two when I get there). I couldn’t even attempt this dream if it weren’t for them. the planets have been aligning for this moment, and I need to take the opportunity. I am so anxious and grateful for my friends in Seoul, but worry if I linger too long it will strain our friendship. I worry about being lost in a land where I can’t communicate to stylish and handsome people. I worry about things a lot, but my biggest worry that trumps all else is living an unexciting life. I can’t idly sit watching others pass me by on their way to reaching goals and having adventures and meeting people around the world. it can’t be THAT hard, I see pictures on the internet of people doing these things ALLLLL the time.
can’t say this choice isn’t without heavy emotions, and lots of them. a forever thank you to all those I confided in and took the time to listen to my flamboyant agony. I felt repetitive and anxious a lot for the past 18 months. but life goes on, as it does, forever. you can fight the tide to make it difficult or you can go along for the ride. life isn’t a scripted movie, maybe more like a text adventure.
[will you follow your dreams?: y or n]
*about the image & quote: that photo was taken of me at scarecrow video, the place I worked at for 5 years and loved with all my heart. it was taken right before I left for Japan, that other big life adventure/dream/chance I took. it’s still relevant this time around. the quote is from a Korean Sherlock Holmes-esq movie called Private Eye. A woman at the end of the film was about to board a ship to America and she said that. Kind of ironic I’m saying that and going to Korea? Also, I hate cheesy sentimental words in dramatic fonts, so I decided to place it how I saw it: in subtitle form.