atmosphere texture

 I decided something specific about my character awhile ago. I said to myself “as long as I am warm, fed and entertained” I will be the most patient, comfortable and agreeable person you’ve ever met. I was tested a year ago when I was in a commercial and had to arrive on set at 7:20AM and didn’t shoot my part until 7:20PM. I was sitting by myself for nearly 12 hours. however, I had a book I enjoyed, there was free food and later I took a nap on a chair. I also conversed with some interesting people as well. best 12 hours wasted of my life.

so, these first 2 weeks in Seoul were grumpy and sad because I was A) freezing 2) starving and d) couldn’t get organized to accomplish anything. now it all makes sense why I was being a baby. since the last post I have moved into a very warm room, recieved a package of things I can eat and my attitude has flipped for the best. I AM EFFING PUMPED! I AM IN EFFIN SEOUL, YA’LL!! I wish it didn’t take me so long to soak it in, but at least I’ve crawled out of the swamp of my own mind and shook it off.

it feels as if the switch happened over night. I had a skype meeting with my nutritionist and we talked about what I needed for this diet I am on and my struggles with finding what I need here in Seoul while doing it, as well as some interesting points involving our general physche as human beings on this planet. after our chat, I had an i heart huckabees-type epiphany where I could relax because everything I ever wanted to have or be I already had and was. it felt great.

it feels great. continuously! although, the only thing that has changed is my mind. it’s a powerful thing, these brains and bodies of ours. pretty amazing when you use them at their potential. happy and healthy (famous and wealthy) is the way to be.

also, I have been looking at way too many photos of pancakes on pinterest. it’s DEVASTATING. but even the healthy flaxseed pancakes are drool worthy! who wouldn’t have their spirits lifted after looking at food blogs with ridiculously perfect martha stewart level imagery!? I can’t wait to be able to eat all these delicious foods I’ve taken for granted again. second time around, I’m going to do it right.

and in the meantime, TAKE ON SEOUL! (take on my soul? within seoul?)
(still not tired of the limitless puns on Seoul. I’ll keep you updated if that ever changes).

 

3 Comments

  1. Peter Nguyen says:

    I’m glad you’re reframing and seeing your situation for what it is. I recently stopped talking/hanging around/paying attention to people I know in fashion that are just constantly negative and bitter about the industry.

    This isn’t cvic duty. We are not forced to be here making clothes. I realized I was starting to hate fashion because I was giving these people valuable space in my attention. When I stopped, I started paying attention for people that loved their work, and it made me love my work.

    Tell anyone you moved to Korea to model, they’ll say “fuck, what am I doing with my life!”

    This morning I guy dropped off some furniture I ordered and saw sketches on my wall. His eyes lit up and said “oh man, you’re a designer.” I saw the look in his eyes and knew I had it good. It’s so easy to forget that sometimes.

    I know I always tell you this but I’m really proud that you’re going after something you’ve talked about for forever.

    • alextthomas says:

      It feels great to not be a baby and to be who you imagine yourself to be. realizations come and go, but they stick with you. I realized so many people want to be in Seoul right now and I was being selfish by being weird and sad about it. I had different expectations at first, but that is life. you have to adapt or get left behind. and I decided to not get left behind. everyone has choices in their life, and they want to blame fate or luck instead of taking responsibility.

      well I am sick of yelling at people who aren’t realizing this on their own and I’m doing my own thing, cuz FUCK EM. don’t let anyone drag you down. there are literally billions of people on this planet. someone, somewhere will be on your side/have the same mindset. you gotta find your people on your journey! it’s SNES RPG TIME YA’LL!

      the mention of the furniture guy with his eyes lighting up is a poignant point to live your life how you want. if I imagine settling for something against myself, nothing makes me more scared. I am just preaching to the choir (you) obviously, you get it. and I thank you and appreciate you cheering me on. it is such a helpful reminder I am not alone and that I am having a small affect on people which is my main drive to follow my own word. when you are like “look!! you did the thing you said you wanted to do! you did it!” it takes me a moment, I look around, and then I think “YEAH!!! I DID IT!!”.

      So, thank you Peter. for paying attention and holding me to my word :)

      I commend you for living your dream, too! (even though I still wonder how you interned in NYC without an income…still wondering) it’s never easy but so worth it when you have a story to tell in the end once you’ve made it happen. I can’t imagine anything feeling better than a dream coming true exactly how you imagined it going every day of your entire life.

      YOSH!!!! GANBATTNE PETER!!! LETS LIVE OUR LIVES!! GO GO DREAM REALITIES!

  2. David says:

    Trying to understand what things make you act like a baby sounds like a valuable exercise in understanding the self. I’m sure my criteria would be different. I’ll have to think about what mine are.

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December 8, 2012 days