“It’s Gob(nils)lin spelled backwards!” Nils and I had a shoot today in his apartment for his album. It was fun, as taking photos with friends tends to be.
I’ve been debating with myself wether to keep up a blog or not. it would obviously just be for my own amusement since I know a total of 1 (maybe even 2) people read this. I apologize for abandoning it, especially after working so hard to customize a wordpress, damn that shit was tough.
I haven’t been documenting my life at all these past few years as much as I used to. this is the time to do it, if ever, as many a great things have been happening! 2010 was a slow start, but I had lots of faith in it. once I turned 25 I figured out the formula: even numbered years and odd numbered ages are the best combos of my life. It’s all math, really.
I keep procrastinating, blaming non-blogging on film development. I tell myself I’ll back-log entries, but honestly… c’mon. as a mature 25 year old woman, I am learning quickly to stop lying to myself. I’ve been with myself for 25 whole years, who knows me better than me? me. the answer is me.
I have 4 big goals to reach in 4 months. I feel like I’m making pretty good time so far. although it’s been approx 1 day since I wrote them down on paper.
GANBATTANEEE (がんばってね~!), ME!
bboat stands for BEST BIRTHDAY OF ALL TIME. I just made that up right now, it’s not a thing. well, it’s now a thing because it had to be invented because I HAD THE BBOAT!!! I feel like I’m the only person in the world who cares about bdays. the moment my 24 hours are up, I’m already counting down to my next one. August 16th has got to be the WORST day ever–it’s the farthest away from my next birthday.
Summary in key phrases: bar take-over (mingle upstairs!/dance downstairs!), anime (flcl, cowboy bebop, cyber city, & interstella 5555) on the projection screen all night, 80s/90s mix radio, had bartender (from our PRIVATE BAR) serve a drink I made up with candy fruit slices called “Aces Wild”, 3 outfit changes, 80+ people, instant $300 bar tab covered, DANCE PERFORMANCE WITH JEN MOORE–involving spotlights, a microphone and a janet jackson finale, 3 suju songs on the speakers, multiple cameras, color changing wall lights, and a disco bra.
mostly people complain on the internet. I want to note that things are good and great and getting brighter every day. I’m the poorest I’ve ever been, but I got a lot to look forward to. so much so that I might lose what’s behind me, therefore I make this simple note to myself to remember. things could potentially suck.
but I’m too busy looking to the good stuff! birthday, adventure buddies, ocean shores, camping, L.A., A.J., SMTOWN! Super Junior dreams coming true, fall, rain and then….. moving to JAPAN! somewhere in between there devin and I will be together 4 solid loving years.
reveling in the moments before something may or may not turn sour. I will receive the future with open arms good or bad! ugh, how sappy am I sounding… “life rules!” ha ha, whatever. enjoying it.
today I took a japanese style bath. well, I mean, I didn’t take a bath and I didn’t take a shower. I took something in between. I don’t have an onsen. all I had was a big pot. but it saved a lot of water and it went a lot faster! sigh, I can’t wait to have a proper japanese bathroom one day.
I have work to do. I pretend to debate if I’ll stay up and do it or go to bed and wake up “early” to do these things. I don’t know why I pretend to fool myself. I’ve already wasted time on “time wasting” (which I shouldn’t spend time on), but I do that all the time! Mornings are always a slow start for me. Staying up late just leads to wandering around the internet looking at clothes I can’t afford and suju videos on youtube. I’m not getting anything done and then it’s 6 years later, and I have nothing to show for it. If the 10,000 hour rule is true, then I’m a fucking MASTER AT THE INTERNET! but if I was, shouldn’t I be making lots of money somehow? other people do. maybe I should sucker people with fake blogs about teeth whitening and loosing weight using household products (but mos def not working out). clearly, I have more internet wandering work to do.
my true self has re-emerged. when I was 14, I loved boy bands. I thought I was cool because I had a “humor site” about nsync, so that made me a different type of boy band fan. years went by, trends and fads and boy bands faded. it was no longer 1999 – 2001. I discovered “real music”, or what I called it at the time. long gone were the days of men looking pretty, wearing matching clothes, seduction with hip thrust dance moves or sweet pre-written ballads to make me buy their merch. I was listening to musicians who played instruments and wrote their own songs! they didn’t dance, but that was ok. (at the time).
this brings us 2010, the future. also, right now. I don’t know how I completely stumbled upon Girl’s Generation’s ‘Gee’ (known as the greatest song to come out of South Korea of all time). but through lots of youtube videos and k-pop blogs, they led me down the trail of no return–my former love of boy bands–and shit was it the mother load! a 13 member boy band? americans scoff at the idea. 5 was always enough. at least, that’s what I thought in 1999.
the window was open, it was a nice day. I didn’t see the day for myself, as I was sick on the couch. but I could hear how nice it was out. the upstairs neighbor was practicing their cello. an apartment across the way was listening to NPR. cars were driving by, people were out for a walk. there was some construction too. I could only be hypnotized by the light.
song: green eyed love (classixx remix) by mayer hawthorne.
I’ve been sick. sore bones, sore muscles, can’t eat, mostly sleep. what a waste of time being sick. viruses infecting my body, keeping me from being able. sometimes I’m torn between being grounded in this body, holding it precious like a sacred temple. the other part wants me to trash it, it ain’t what my existence really is. maybe I’m 60/40, we only get one. if this was 2071, I could be 30/70 with a cyborg part. a body is how others judge us, what’s important. or so it seems. it’s a weird combination. dressing our bodies, caring for them, shaping them, dying, piercing, puncturing them. they’re our own vessel, representing ourselves. we’re our own dolls or sports cars or front lawns. but bodies sure are gross, man. inside and out. infected so easily. full of gross things. so is the mind, but you can’t really see it.
finished cowboy be bop. what gets better than that, I don’t know. besides one piece and ouran high school host club, I mean. I will backlog some entries. most importantly, my permanent!
Two Sundays ago, Devin and I jaunted down to Pike Place Market because I decided I wanted to be more “Seattle-like”. Also, the farmer’s market isn’t up and running till May near my place and I wanted some cheap veggies (and honey sticks). It was such an adventure! I used to go to PP a lot as a kid growing up with my aunt. Then in high school, my best friend at the time and I would go (what felt like) every Sunday and park for an hour (one nearby garage had free parking for an hour, not anymore) and do everything we could (as in buy and eat handmade corn dogs and MINI-DONUTS). These days I’m just shoppin for cheap veggies, like I’m a “Seattle-like” grown up. I still don’t know how to cook though. A cool guy with a cool mustache working at a veggie stand gave Devin and I some free carrots with my squash and also a little cartoon vampire ornament. I don’t know where the latter came from, but I felt I made a new friend.
PIKE PLACE MARKET FUN!
I’ve been moving, but I believe I’m done now. and I mean furniture, not just wiggling around in a chair or something. I found some old journals and books. my scrap notebook (for lists and notes and ideas) had two things on the front inside cover:
A sticky note I found after unpacking read this:
hand counts “this many uses/times” US $20 one time. & plan “sketch” — charcoal (may come off, maybe not) ink it-see what sticks. -plan. AA 11/29
one of the weirdest things I’ve ever written down. I read it 3 times and then remembered what it meant. I was quoting my roommate ashley. the note had key points to remind myself how hard I was laughing during that conversation. not something to look up on the internet.
The other night I was up till 5 am searching the vast internet about all the information I could find involving To-Y, a rare VHS/Laserdisc-only OVA anime from 1987 about a 16 year old reluctant pop-idol rock star. I found this clip on youtube again, and couldn’t stop watching it. I briefly posted it as a status update on facebook because I was so excited about it. One person I knew was awake. I quickly gushed to him about how much I loved this clip. His response was “that is a very specific thing to love”. It took me off-guard, but it made me happy.