Inside of Your Dream, I am Not There


Echoing outside my open sliding glass door (with closed screen door) is the sound of video game selection screen sound effects. I can hear faint midi music and sudden bursts of laughter coming from young japanese men. they have a certain laugh, I can tell. Or I am in Japan, so it’s safe to assume they are Japanese.

Since I arrived in Japan, weird occurrences have been happening wildly. Now I can’t help but try to search for clues. when will the next bizarre coincidence happen? what is the universe trying to tell me? I am on the hunt for hints. ear to the ground, eye to the sky. maybe these things happen all the time anyway and no one takes the time to connect the dots. paying attention to the details makes a big difference day to day.


I get excited pretending my life is suddenly an RPG. it’s like being in a LARPing game I didn’t sign up for. I can’t get through this unless I play along. everyone around me is a NPC that only has one purpose–and that’s to set off the next chain of events in my life with one line of dialogue. I meet one person who leads me to meet another person who in turn becomes the key to unlocking the previous door I couldn’t open. metaphorically. although one time I did have to literally call a locksmith, but maybe that’s irrelevant.

Everyday I have to make the right choices of eating the right foods to keep my HP bar up. EXP is raised whenever I try something new. I meet people who give me work to earn GOLD (or, ¥). I spend ¥ on leveling up my gear. sometimes seemingly simple errands lead to unexpected side quests.


I was on a packed train going home and a man next to me was reading a japanese book. I glanced over at the vertical language and spotted some katakana letters I could read. it said “ALEX”. of all the trains, all the traincars, all the times, all the people, all the books, all the pages, all the kanji, hiragana, katakana… my name was called out to me in Japan. I told a few people about this and they interpreted it as “you are where you are supposed to be”. I thought that was a nice way of looking at things, but my heart still skips a beat and my mind spins with wonder.


a movie in a cafe, a favorite movie from a bartender. gizmo in a bar, gizmo on a bag. different days, different places, times, people–all connecting strangely. maybe the universe is playing a joke on me. maybe it’s for fun. maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all. or maybe time is overlapping on itself and it’s groundhog day every day and all the sliding doors are opening all at once.

Is everything set in motion pre-determinedly? the choices we think we have is all an illusion? Are all these exciting things leading me to my eventual death? well, yes, because everyone eventually dies. but let’s hope it’s not truly horrific.

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June 24, 2013 days