time for that bi-yearly blog post.
a few months ago, someone I found very attractive was briefly showing interest in me. for probably many deep emotional reasons I don’t feel like over-analyzing, I had a hard time accepting their words of flirtation. not surprisingly, they found someone else in front of their face and left me to return to my normal life of no one attractive talking to me. I was comforted in the familiar feeling of not being “the one” for them. 2nd place, second string, bench warmer, temporary, fleeting, for now, a place holder. ah, rejection, nice to see you again. come on in, make yourself at home. this is my comfort zone, the spot at the empty table of my very own pity party. for some reason, I always imagine myself wearing a pointy polka-dotted birthday hat when I think of the words “pity party”.
filled with angst that I knew would fade shortly, I rushed through the motions and feigned heart break of losing the attention of a hot person so I could move on with my life. after that month long distraction I re-focused my precious time to more important things. not handsome korean men but plants.
I rest my fingertips lightly on my glowing keyboard. time to meticulously carve out a blog post. 「久しぶり」 I say to myself, one of the japanese words I have down pat because I say it constantly. if only I said all japanese words constantly, I would be fluent by now. my year 2.0 in japan is beginning, apparently. I haven’t seen much from my bedridden state. the 31st of december 2014, I came down with a debilitating flu, rendering my body heavy and unstable.
I’ve scrolled through my instagram feed with varied levels of envy as people snap photos of their firsts of the new year. first food, first trip, first memories of 2015. I know my year will begin soon, I’ll catch up. I lay on my side and pull the covers up to my nose and imagine what is in store for me in the coming months. 2015 will be great, if I could just get out of bed. my spirits are high, this isn’t the end. I’m not kicking myself for not washing my hands enough during cold and flu season, because kicking would require energy I don’t have. to feel so weak and useless is so frustrating. it only reminds me to motivate myself to keep active so I won’t feel like this again when I reach 80.
lying awake at 4am stiff and unable to sleep, I think back at 2014. what an emotionally juxtaposed year that was. from aimless depression to near enlightenment. 2014 was concurrently the lowest of lows and the happiest and most content I’ve ever been in my life.
I used to say “I’m not boy crazy, I’m romantic possibility obsessed”, as my clever defense against other’s mislabeling me “boy crazy”. their lack of understanding why I always be instant-crushin was a thorn in my side and a misunderstanding of my character. it’s true though, that I am on a constant crusade for a connection, a heart-skip moment, any eye-contact that results in sparks, an accidental brush of the hand that creates shivers, and excitable night conversations that go on for so long the morning light makes us realize we must stop exchanging words so our bodies can recharge since we’re not immortal (unfortunately).
So when I hone in on a cute boy across a crowd of disgruntled, sweaty sad faces, I am merely anxiously awaiting for the butterflies to hatch in my belly and flutter around, hoping our pinkies are tied with an invisible red string that only fate can tug at. there are many variations of romantic exchanges, from subtle secret moments to full-blown once-in-a-lifetime epic tales that are retold again and again in movies and supermarket pulp novels. I want to experience the whole spectrum.
my mind wanders too rapidly to focus these days. I got my blog back (thanks mom!) but can’t think of one thing to focus on. so from here, I will ramble. It will be as random as a cat in a bag. speaking of which, check out this cat in a bag. my new friend has a cat–probably the best cat I’ve ever met–and this cat has no name. it is fluffy, talkative (only when you first meet) and complacent. he likes to play, but only for a minute.
my new friend and I had a casual Sunday, a type of comfortable hang time I knew existed but hadn’t been available to me for quite sometime. the type of hang out where no plans are made before hand except the reassurance of seeing each other. plans that had no set time arrival or departure. it was quite natural and the hang flow fell right into place, like an easy game of tetris. the type of hang you see common place in 90s sitcoms, where there are no boundaries from neighbors. did I mention, we are neighbors? in a really cool neighborhood? in Seoul?
I decided something specific about my character awhile ago. I said to myself “as long as I am warm, fed and entertained” I will be the most patient, comfortable and agreeable person you’ve ever met. I was tested a year ago when I was in a commercial and had to arrive on set at 7:20AM and didn’t shoot my part until 7:20PM. I was sitting by myself for nearly 12 hours. however, I had a book I enjoyed, there was free food and later I took a nap on a chair. I also conversed with some interesting people as well. best 12 hours wasted of my life.
so, these first 2 weeks in Seoul were grumpy and sad because I was A) freezing 2) starving and d) couldn’t get organized to accomplish anything. now it all makes sense why I was being a baby. since the last post I have moved into a very warm room, recieved a package of things I can eat and my attitude has flipped for the best. I AM EFFING PUMPED! I AM IN EFFIN SEOUL, YA’LL!! I wish it didn’t take me so long to soak it in, but at least I’ve crawled out of the swamp of my own mind and shook it off.
Saturday began at 7:58 pm. the time when the sun was in the sky was meaningless and inconvenient. blinds were shut, movies were started, naps interrupted. I drove the long way ’round to the side of water I grew up on (but was not born in). I live now where I was born. only because I have a thoughtful and forward-thinking mother who was determined to bear me in a city that people know on a map, so I could grow up and tell people I was born IN Seattle and not have to lie about it to save time explaining what a “Kirkland” is. however, I like to tell that fun fact and thusly it adds time I was originally to save about the fascinating story of my birthplace.
Saturday night. went to Kirkland. Long way ’round. met up with a photographer bud to shoot some “Gucci Goth” (as he referred to it) shots around a marina. I approached Kirkland looking like a 90s goth club kid—all black asymmetrical dress, floppy black boots and a bowler hat. and let’s not ignore the bedazzled cross tank atop. I approached the sidewalk, dodging girls in neon sneakers and shorts, flipping their pony tails as they jogged with their tiny muppet dogs.
Definitely born in Seattle, not so much Kirkland.
after successful night time shoot with purple lipstick and wading in the water full of rocks, I maneuvered my way back to Seattle just in time to stop and grab a gluten-free pizza (pictured). got it to go, cuz I had to go. watch. STEPHEN CHOW MOVIES.
12:30 am, still “early”. Settled in, reading Murakami short stories (the elephant vanishes) when phone rings around 1:38 am. my friend Jazz! it must be an emergency!
1980s Tokyo, the sun has just set and the giant neon lights begin to buzz. A turn off the avenue leads to a maze of backstreets. the alleys grow darker and damper as you leave the main drag behind. less people, more trash cans. the sound of traffic and feet shuffling die down and a faint music grows louder. turning one last corner, a glow illuminates a dead end. it’s an underground music club. you wouldn’t have known it’s existence, unless you had been there before. it’s CITY HUNTER, a thriving soulful joint that has somehow sidestepped the flow of time.
Our J-pop/K-pop dance night has come so far in 6 months! from Alibi basement room to … Barboza basement room. ok, so we’re still in a basement bar, but now our night is on Capitol Hill which is the only place that matters (to people on Capitol Hill)! JK POP! is getting lots of press and making headlines! it’s really exciting. I get to dress up and pretend I’m a K-pop star. I used to dream about dancing in a club to K-pop while dancing in my bedroom. I never thought I’d ever get to help RUN the event! our last one, July 5th was pretty good considering the July 4th holiday hangover.
I’ve been low on funds and paying jobs for the past 6 months since we left Japan. So I decided to change the scenery and try my luck in NYC. I have been here for over a week and I will be here until mid-November. a whole month! couch surfing among friends in the big ole apple, throwing around adorable business cards and trying my luck getting work, money and photo shoots in various ways.
Taking a cab early in the morning across Williamsburg Bridge into Manhattan to assist a shoot at Bloomingdale’s. I always feel fancy taking a cab instead of the subway.
I happened upon a craigslist ad that turned out to be way more amazing than I could ever imagine. something about “models wanted”, I applied. I get an email the next day telling me it is more like a cosmetic commercial and I would be a factory worker extra for a few hours and get $100. I assumed it was someone in front of 30 extras in a factory at an assembly line, explaining how the cosmetics were made. They are filming it in Jersey and say they’ll pick me up on the GW Bridge. hm, maybe I am being kidnapped and sold into slavery, but my gut says go with it anyway. long story short, me and one other girl were picked among probably hundreds of craigslist paid ad hopefuls to be STARS of the Korean New Jersey cosmetic factory! AMAZING! An all-Korean crew, I told them I loved SUJU and they laughed. one guy said Shindong was his brother. it was a fun and great crew, a really awesome day.
Then they invited us to film more the next night for more money and told us to bring friends. It was to be filmed at a 24 hour Beauty Salon (of which I found out there are over 300 in New York alone… WHAT). my make up artist made me look incredible. She was super stylish and amazing and so talented. I loved her hair. She told me she has done make up for 20 years and even did Byung Hung Lee’s make up! She didn’t speak too much English and I don’t know any Korean, but I got her info regardless to keep in touch! I brought my friend Jess and we modeled around like it was a Maybelline commercial. I was laughing so much, it was so much fun!
This beauty product commercial will be shown on the KOREAN HOME SHOPPING NETWORK!! How amazing is that? I feel like that should have been a goal already written down but I seem to have conquered it flawlessly already. Thanks Craigslist/Korea!
Also thanks to Korea: K-Pop. Speaking of which, I got a ticket to see SMTOWN LIVE 2011 at MADISON SQUARE GARDEN THIS WEEKEND! I came to New York with $300. I spent $100 on an unlimited metro card and $200 on the ticket. it’s very close to the extended part of the stage, and I am pretty sure I will make eye contact with one of the members of SUJU and either faint & die or telecommunicate bedroom eyes and get backstage. either way, this will be the 3rd time in almost a year that I have seen Super Junior when just over a year ago I thought I would only see them on youtube for the rest of my life.
DREAMS CAN AND WILL AND DO COME TRUE.
(I love you devin…! but this is relevant to my interests.)
but without the cold, hard, wet, dirt ground. I just thought I should let you guys (the 3 of you who read this (hi mom)) know that my bedroom is awesome. When we came back to the states, we rushed to find a place to live. I was severely depressed from the tragedy in Japan and dearly missed our 194 square foot tatami mat apartment. I figured I had to make the best of our situation being back in Seattle and decided I needed a really amazing apartment.
I had always been obsessed with theme hotels (even before Osaka Love Hotels) and knew about the Hotel Fox in Denmark with it’s many different rooms all created by different artists (SO COOL). I saw this room and thought “I could do that”. I already had a collection of forest wall murals. Thus began my creative endeavor to make Devin build us a forest room. Devin only agreed if he could have a side flap to get in and out of the tent because being 6’7″ and just turning 30 he is “too old for this shit”. ‘this shit’ being: crawling in and out of beds. I will forever sleep in some sort of fort that requires crawling and rolling around until the day of my demise. fact.
Awhile ago I tried to post a picture of my room but no one believed it was mine! I can understand that. who do you know that sleeps in a tent bed in real life? Probably no one, this is totally an internet find sort of bedroom if I say so myself. but someone has to make it (and sleep in it)! Feel free to be inspired to make your own tent/gypsy/cave/bed dwelling! IT IS SO FUN EVERY NIGHT.