I used to say “I’m not boy crazy, I’m romantic possibility obsessed”, as my clever defense against other’s mislabeling me “boy crazy”. their lack of understanding why I always be instant-crushin was a thorn in my side and a misunderstanding of my character. it’s true though, that I am on a constant crusade for a connection, a heart-skip moment, any eye-contact that results in sparks, an accidental brush of the hand that creates shivers, and excitable night conversations that go on for so long the morning light makes us realize we must stop exchanging words so our bodies can recharge since we’re not immortal (unfortunately).
So when I hone in on a cute boy across a crowd of disgruntled, sweaty sad faces, I am merely anxiously awaiting for the butterflies to hatch in my belly and flutter around, hoping our pinkies are tied with an invisible red string that only fate can tug at. there are many variations of romantic exchanges, from subtle secret moments to full-blown once-in-a-lifetime epic tales that are retold again and again in movies and supermarket pulp novels. I want to experience the whole spectrum.
I went to Thailand with only the knowledge that a lot of people like to visit Thailand. What I also did not know was the “rules to traveling guide” (made up by some guy I met while traveling) lists “do not fall in love” as rule #1 (and also again as rule #3). as far as rules go, I am not one to follow any (not even my own). and as other sayings by other people who don’t like rules (or authority or being told how to live their lives) goes: break rules. wait, no, it’s like “rules are made to be broken” so, who cares about rules.
this morning on the way to my other job, I blasted SHINee’s new song to wake/pump me up and then I blew out my front left car speaker.
I looked up the translation of the lyrics today. not only does this song falcon punch my face with awesome, the lyrics and meaning of the song is REALLY INTENSE.
Your undeniable spell is the Lucifer
Your undeniable magic is the Lucifer
When I approach you
With your angelic face
Say the reason you live is for me
K-pop busted my speakers and I’m kinda excited about it. the speaker represents my mind: TOTALLY BLOWN. also it remains now like my heart: TOTALLY BROKEN. sigh, SMTOWNnnnnn I still fawn for you to exist freshly in my mind every moment till the day I die. I may or may not have been a japanese school girl in another life, but in my next one I hope I end up a korean male pop idol. oh man they dress so cool these days.
my true self has re-emerged. when I was 14, I loved boy bands. I thought I was cool because I had a “humor site” about nsync, so that made me a different type of boy band fan. years went by, trends and fads and boy bands faded. it was no longer 1999 – 2001. I discovered “real music”, or what I called it at the time. long gone were the days of men looking pretty, wearing matching clothes, seduction with hip thrust dance moves or sweet pre-written ballads to make me buy their merch. I was listening to musicians who played instruments and wrote their own songs! they didn’t dance, but that was ok. (at the time).
this brings us 2010, the future. also, right now. I don’t know how I completely stumbled upon Girl’s Generation’s ‘Gee’ (known as the greatest song to come out of South Korea of all time). but through lots of youtube videos and k-pop blogs, they led me down the trail of no return–my former love of boy bands–and shit was it the mother load! a 13 member boy band? americans scoff at the idea. 5 was always enough. at least, that’s what I thought in 1999.