right now our room is dim and it’s hard to tell what time it is. the light attempting to push it’s way through the frosted glass is weak, as the cloudy skies pour a steady stream of rain on tokyo this afternoon. I can hear the faint sound of rain outside, but the aircon heater hum is drowning out the delicate sounds. sometimes a large gust of wind rattles our cardboard house.
I love listening to the rain. no sound makes me happier or warmer than listening to rain outside the window. it’s december but it feels like a brisk fall. I’m still in denial it’s the month of holiday christmas spirit, even though I’ve spotted numerous christmas trees set up in public places and restaurants play midi-covers of american christmas music. I’m still in denial that it’s winter, only cold because I’m layering what small amount of fall clothes I cling to. it’s time to give in to the giant heavy coats, the beanie hats to pull over the ears and get some thick wool socks.
the best week of my life and the second best week of my life both revolved around a bi-yearly event. fashion week in seoul. for 5 days I am whisked away to another plane of existence, a glimpse into what it would be like to be a sought-after celebrity.
Six months in Seoul: a somewhat brief summary reflection
The overall goal had always been Tokyo. I took an opportunity to join some friends in Seoul, hoping to make mad monies from modeling. I had some trouble getting on my feet right away, got screwed out of my initial plans and spent 5 of 6 months trying not to freeze(/starve) to death and eventually grew to love a city I originally only knew k-pop dance moves about.
When I arrived to Tokyo 2 weeks ago, I found myself really missing Seoul. Although the buildings and skyline are terribly ugly, there were a lot of charming qualities about Seoul I missed right away. cheap transportation, amazing food and a close-knit community of friends I had made. They helped show me things about Korea I would have not known or explored on my own. the mix of personalities together was a perfect puzzle of wonderful (and crazy) people.
that’s the trouble with travel–leaving behind people and places. for exchange of experience and memories, your list of “longing” grows larger. holes begin to form in the heart and you can only attempt to fill it with new people, places and things in the next destination. it won’t be the same but that could be a good thing.
I keep getting lost in my thoughts. I dip a toe in just to test the thought water–maybe plan on committing to some ankle-level wading around in day dreams. but before I know it, a large wave of overwhelming thoughts crash into me and I’m swept out into an entire ocean of non-sequitur images, ideas, plans, hopes, dreams, goals, wants, needs, memories, and a long to-do list that I immediately forget because the last thing on my mind is the present.
In the middle of these thoughts, I startle myself back to present by really looking around. On the subway today, I was mentally swimming around when the train shot out above ground and I saw the city I was in. Seoul! It was that time of day when the sun set and your eyes see a flat color of light. shrouded in winter time dusk, the tall cement buildings with glowing hangul signs felt like I was in a Blade Runner spin-off. a pang hit my heart. I was really here, on this part of the planet, in this world–one I don’t know much about. it’s always exciting when I re-realize this, no matter how many times I need to pull myself together and be present.
my mind wanders too rapidly to focus these days. I got my blog back (thanks mom!) but can’t think of one thing to focus on. so from here, I will ramble. It will be as random as a cat in a bag. speaking of which, check out this cat in a bag. my new friend has a cat–probably the best cat I’ve ever met–and this cat has no name. it is fluffy, talkative (only when you first meet) and complacent. he likes to play, but only for a minute.
my new friend and I had a casual Sunday, a type of comfortable hang time I knew existed but hadn’t been available to me for quite sometime. the type of hang out where no plans are made before hand except the reassurance of seeing each other. plans that had no set time arrival or departure. it was quite natural and the hang flow fell right into place, like an easy game of tetris. the type of hang you see common place in 90s sitcoms, where there are no boundaries from neighbors. did I mention, we are neighbors? in a really cool neighborhood? in Seoul?
So, I’m out of money. utterly/completely. paid bills, paid rent (had to use my christmas money for this, I just wanted a coat, maybe a lamp… don’t I sound old timey levels of poor and pathetic? I kind of am) and scrounging for won to buy $13 strawberries because I need vitamin C (and something sweet).
What I mean to say is this blog and my site are about to go down. down into the pits of the internet because I don’t have the funds to keep it afloat right now.
I decided something specific about my character awhile ago. I said to myself “as long as I am warm, fed and entertained” I will be the most patient, comfortable and agreeable person you’ve ever met. I was tested a year ago when I was in a commercial and had to arrive on set at 7:20AM and didn’t shoot my part until 7:20PM. I was sitting by myself for nearly 12 hours. however, I had a book I enjoyed, there was free food and later I took a nap on a chair. I also conversed with some interesting people as well. best 12 hours wasted of my life.
so, these first 2 weeks in Seoul were grumpy and sad because I was A) freezing 2) starving and d) couldn’t get organized to accomplish anything. now it all makes sense why I was being a baby. since the last post I have moved into a very warm room, recieved a package of things I can eat and my attitude has flipped for the best. I AM EFFING PUMPED! I AM IN EFFIN SEOUL, YA’LL!! I wish it didn’t take me so long to soak it in, but at least I’ve crawled out of the swamp of my own mind and shook it off.
I’m here. I’ve been here for nearly two weeks now, yet I’m still out of order. Have you ever tried to explain to someone an incredible vague dream that was almost too hard to put into words? Over explaining one simple concept just still couldn’t portray what you saw or felt while you were having this dream? The type of dream where you say:
“Then my friend appeared. but it wasn’t my friend, I couldn’t see their face. actually, they looked like someone I’ve never met, but in the dream I knew it was my friend.”
Seoul is a familar stranger to me. In combination with the other types of dreams wherein you can’t speak or hear a communicable language back and forth, that is what Seoul has been like so far. the vertical signs, the dark haired masses and small shops feel like Japan, but something is different. oh, it’s a whole ‘nother country and culture! I can’t help but compare things without accepting them first, but I’m still new at this. isn’t that what people naturally do though? compare and contrast what they know and what they begin to learn? everything I know about Korea is through pop music, dramas and vengeance films.